Who chooses a life partner? How to choose a guy, husband, and indeed, a life partner? What kind of men do we avoid?

Potential groom. The fact is that a man will always, on a subconscious level, try to build a family in the image and likeness of the one that his parents had. If it is considered in his family to hit his wife, then such a man will sooner or later do something similar. Of course, it happens that, for example, in a family of drinking parents, a child grows up with an acute dislike for alcohol. But this can also affect your attitude. Therefore, always pay attention to what kind of relationship is accepted in his family.

Find out how jealous a man is. Of course, everyone is pleased that a man can be jealous of her from time to time, because it means that he values her very much. But constant paranoid persecution, espionage, fits of jealousy do not have the best effect on family life.

Don't choose your complete opposite. Of course, opposites attract. Because getting to know a person who is not like you is an extremely exciting process. You are interested in a person because he reveals something to you, hitherto unknown to you. However, at one point you will definitely realize that you are looking in different directions with this person and you simply have nothing to talk about.

Stop believing in unequal marriages. Of course, there are such unions in which the husband is fabulously rich, and the wife was taken from a dysfunctional family, or the husband is over seventy, and the wife is twenty, and they are quite happy. But be aware that these cases are rare. Choose a companion from your circle, because in the event that you grew up in a different environment, if you have a different level of education and outlook on life, you simply will not find common ground in so many issues.

Don't judge by looks alone. Of course, a woman on a subconscious level is drawn to the image of a sort of macho, strong, stately, handsome, broad-shouldered. But think about how such a macho will raise your children. Can he become a good husband? And a good father?

Try to avoid weak-willed and weak-willed men. Of course, you should not go to extremes and choose a man as your companion who, with the help of a fist, is ready to establish his own rules in the house. But you definitely do not need a person who is easy to manipulate. After all, not only you can manipulate it, but also anyone who has such a need.

Do not forget that there is also love in the world. Perhaps your man is not perfect, but if you have real bright strong feelings, you can close your eyes to some things.

Set your priorities when choosing a man

Of course, we are young girls and women who dream of such a love that would combine everything. But let's be realistic! Realize what is most important to you. Set your priorities when choosing a man. Ask yourself questions: what status of a man will suit me? What education should he have? What are the goals and aspirations? What are the spiritual qualities? What should he be in communication? In sex? In extreme situations? Sit down and think carefully about how you imagine the man of your dreams. Just don't set the bar too high.

For example, dreaming that your man is well-to-do, has a college education and looks like a handsome Hollywood man, ask yourself if you satisfy these qualities. That is, choose a man for yourself! Write two columns on a piece of paper: in the first - what should be the qualities of character and appearance of your man, in the second column - some shortcomings of a man that you could turn a blind eye to (for example, if a man smokes, have an unlimited passion for football, fishing, etc.). Read carefully what happened. Correct the list again, for sure the listed items are not equivalent, some qualities are more important to you than others, cross out everything that is not so important to you. Tie this piece of paper with a pink ribbon, put it in a pink box and hide it in the love zone of your apartment. Thus, you will show the higher powers what you want.

Don't Make Marriage the Goal of a Relationship

In no case do not go to fortune-tellers and astrologers, having found out the date of birth of your new boyfriend! You do not need to check the compatibility of your names, guess on coffee grounds and on cards, get involved in palmistry. Do not believe in these prophecies! Of course, if for you it's just entertainment and you don't take it seriously, then there's nothing to worry about. But if you seriously trust the prophecies and use them as a guide in your life, then your business is bad. In your life, any prediction in which you sacredly and unconditionally believe will be fulfilled. So predict love and happiness to yourself, believe in this prophecy, and let it come true.

Never dream of marrying a rich prince. Happiness is not in money, and not even in their quantity. Happiness is a matter of relationships, not money. There is no such money in the world for the sake of which it would be worth enduring an unloved, and even hated person next to you all your life. Of course, it’s good if your chosen one turns out to be a fairly wealthy person, there are also a lot of good people among the rich, so much the better for you. But let not money be the criterion of your choice.

How to choose your man?

When choosing a man suitable for building a successful relationship, a woman must first decide on her own needs and expectations. Very often, love relationships fail due to the fact that a woman herself does not really know what kind of man she needs. For example, when starting a relationship with a frivolous handsome womanizer, a woman should understand that the maximum she can count on is a fleeting romantic affair.

And, on the contrary, if a woman herself, at a given period of her life, is not set up for a long and stable relationship, then it is better for her not to start an affair with a serious and sedate man - "we are responsible for those we have tamed." To decide whether or not to start dating a particular man at all, a woman should try to understand what psychological type he belongs to. When choosing a man for yourself, you should know that there are several psychological types of men, each of which builds relationships with women in its own way.

Domestic man for serious and long-term relationships

Men of this type are set up exclusively for serious and long-term relationships. These men are not very sociable, do not have a large number of friends, categorically do not like to go to places of entertainment (bars, restaurants, nightclubs), they feel best at home, with their families. They can offer a woman to get together and live together almost at the very beginning of the relationship. When choosing a man of the "home" type, you need to take into account that they are not too romantic, but they are economic and almost incapable of male adultery, they love children very much. One of the best options for family and marriage.

Business man as the dream of many women

Choosing a business man and starting a family with him is the dream of many women. Such men are entirely focused on work and career, and a woman is an outlet for them, next to which they can relax and unwind. Such men are set up only for a serious relationship, and will not even think about starting a relationship with a woman if they do not see her as a potential life partner. If you are aiming to opt for a man of a "business" type, then first think about whether you can meet his high requirements. Their dignity is their willingness to support a family and take on the solution of any family problems. Their disadvantage is the great demands on women. The future spouse should at least be able to cook well and ideally manage the household. Before offering a woman a hand and a heart, such a man asks for a long time, takes a closer look. But behind him, like behind a stone wall.

A sissy for women with a developed maternal instinct

Such men need a wife-mother. They are happy to cede the dominant role in a relationship to a woman if she takes care of them and does not make too high demands. A woman with a developed maternal instinct can choose a sissy and be happy with him. It is wrong to think that such men can only sit on a woman's neck, taking advantage of her kindness. Often, they are good specialists at work and earn good money, besides, they know how to cook, help a woman with the housework. But they don’t like to take the initiative in solving complex life problems, so they are drawn to strong and strong-willed women.

The soul of the company will not put the wife in the first place

For these men, fishing, hunting and beer with friends after work is a sacred thing. From the very beginning of a relationship with such a man, it becomes clear that his friends are in the first place, and relations with a woman are in second, or even third place. It is not advisable to choose this type of man to create a family, despite the fact that he can earn well, support his wife and children, be kind and generous. However, when starting a relationship with him, a woman should understand that ultimatums like: “Either me, or your friends!”, It’s better not to put such a man ... But these men do not particularly control their women, they are not jealous of girlfriends.

The incorrigible womanizer will not stop having affairs on the side

Lovelaces are sincerely convinced that casual sex with another woman is not a betrayal of a loved one, but just a pleasant pastime. Even having married the most beautiful and beloved woman, such a man will still not stop having affairs on the side, and he will perceive his wife’s reproaches with sincere surprise: “Honey, I love you, I bring money, I don’t leave the family! So what else do you need?" So, it is categorically contraindicated for jealous women to choose a womanizer man. And it is not difficult to recognize a womanizer - at the sight of any pretty woman, he always makes a hunting stance.

Alphonse for those women who know what they are getting into

Such men are convinced that a loving woman may well take them on her partial or full financial support. Especially if she is older, richer, more successful. It is easy to recognize a gigolo from the very first date - he will gladly provide a woman with the opportunity to pay for him in a cafe or restaurant. There is no need to condemn such men, since they never impose themselves on anyone and do not deceive anyone. Usually, choosing a male gigolo, a woman knows what she is getting into. Everything happens "out of love and consent."

As the wise proverb says: "For every product there is a buyer." So the representatives of each of the above male psychological types find women who are quite satisfied with their relationship with them. And to make the right choice and determine which type this or that man belongs to is not difficult from the very beginning of acquaintance. It is enough just to take a closer look and draw certain conclusions, weighing all the pros and cons, without deceiving yourself and not hoping to re-educate or correct someone.

How to choose a husband, what you need to pay attention to

Of course, no one will give you a specific recipe or algorithm of actions on how to choose a man. Everyone has their own, individual approach and their goals. To choose a “man for the night” and for life, you see, things are different. And when a young girl, changing guys like gloves, thinks that she knows all women's secrets and can always choose something (or someone) suitable for herself, then she can be deeply mistaken. Because the "carriage and a small cart" for boring communication will quickly dissolve when it comes to marriage, or at least a hint of a serious relationship.

Suppose there is already a potential candidate for your hand and heart. In general, you have warm feelings and interest in him. However, if you want a strong and happy family, you will have to turn on mindfulness and analyze how it suits you. You won’t go far on falling in love alone; there should be mutual understanding, respect and similar interests in the family.

You should pay attention to your attitude towards this person, how to analyze what attracts you to him. By the way, it is important to be able to distinguish passion from deep personal sympathy. If we are talking about passion, then most often this option ends in nothing: any acute periods in life pass. Passion as one of such periods. When people are fed up with sexual relations (a really constant very strong sexual craving for one object is impossible), a period of cooling begins, and if at this moment both understand that, apart from sex, nothing connected them, then the relationship ends there.

Another thing is if you feel that this person suits you (this is called "being on the same wavelength"). In his presence, you do not need to play a certain role in order to please. You are yourself. It is very important.

Often girls choose their other half in the image and likeness of their father. If the father in the family is the breadwinner, the real head, but is absolutely not immersed in household chores (which the wife is completely involved in), then there is a high probability that your chosen one will be endowed with the same qualities. If a girl rarely communicated with her father (due to circumstances) or he did not live in their family at all, then she can inherit her attitude towards men from her mother. An offended woman (mother) involuntarily programs her daughter to the fact that all the men around are "goats", etc. Accordingly, when the time comes to choose a husband, this internal program is triggered, as a result, the choice falls on a completely unworthy person, life with whom is impossible, or there are difficulties with the choice due to internal doubts and contradictions.

The same can be said about men. Since childhood, the main woman in their life is their mother. Therefore, they unconsciously try on this image for their future chosen one. That is why it is sometimes incomprehensible how he chose such a prominent and enviable groom for himself a “gray mouse”, and the whole point is only that, for example, her voice timbre is similar or the same as that of her mother. Here is the internal program.

So, what you need to pay attention to in order to choose the right husband:

The man is not so bad, although not quite what you need

Sometimes it happens that a woman does not meet the man she needs for too long, who would ideally suit her. But "at hand" there is someone who is not so bad, although not quite what you need. And you decide, I will be with him, and I will remake him. This is the biggest mistake when choosing a man! You can never change his character. A man whose character has developed, tastes have been determined, whose personality has taken place, is unlikely to want to break it all at once and replace it with another, even if he loves you very much. Maybe over time (not quickly, as you want) you will be able to correct some of the shortcomings of your man, but only if you do it subtly, gracefully, gently and tactfully. If you decide to connect your life with a certain man, be ready to accept him as he is, because you will not be able to remake him. If you are not ready to accept some physical or moral qualities of a man, do not associate your life with him.

When you meet a man, don't think that you must marry him no matter what. In general, do not put marriage as the goal of a relationship. After all, the happiness of the relationship of two loving people is not to quickly formalize the relationship, but simply to enjoy the time spent together. If you marry just anyone, just to be considered married, such a marriage is doomed to be unhappy or dissolved in advance. After all, you need to get to know each other very well, get used to each other and fall in love to endure marriage. Never think that after the wedding your chosen one will change for the better.

What kind of men do we avoid

At first glance, it may seem that the man is quite suitable. However, appearances are often deceptive and the exact opposite is hidden behind it. Therefore, some categories of men, psychologists advise women to avoid from the very beginning.

Too soft: He foresees any desire, faithfully looks into your eyes and agrees with you in everything. But if at first it is pleasant, then over time it begins to “get it”. After all, a couple of small conflicts are more likely to revive the relationship than harm them. Therefore, it is better to look for a man who loves you, but sometimes does not understand at all.

Your mom's favorite: Your mother is delighted with him. It can be anyone: a neighbor's son, the son of her work colleague or friend. But it doesn’t matter how good the “son-in-law of her dreams” is, it’s better to choose a husband yourself. Otherwise, you will have to sort things out not only with him, but also with your mother.

your ex: There were reasons why you broke up. Even now you have forgotten about them and remember only the good. Don't show weakness! Go in search of a new love instead of trying to inflate the old one, because it will soon cool down completely.

ex best friend: That your best friend's current boyfriend is taboo, that's clear enough. But it is better to stay away from her ex. Don't fish in someone else's pond. You will only harm your friendship, and it will most likely last longer than a stormy fleeting romance.

childhood friend: Together with him, you sculpted Easter cakes and learned to ride a bicycle. He is your best friend. If you want him to stay that way, avoid love affairs. Great love is born in this case very rarely. In most cases, both become uncomfortable and the friendship collapses.

Take a close look at his whole family

We adopt a lot from the lifestyle of our parents, because children from an early age imitate their elders and learn from them. If you want to get to know and understand the man you are interested in better, get to know his family. Looking at the relationship of his relatives, you can understand what model of family behavior is embedded in him. Values such as respect for elders, mutual assistance, respect for a woman, the habit of sharing are most often instilled by parents. If they are considered the norm in his family, then there is a high probability of transferring these values to your future family.

Can family upbringing affect your future husband?

Many women do not think about the family of their beloved, and completely focus on him. Although it would be worth paying attention to his parents, because the goals in a man's life depend on what kind of upbringing he had in childhood. It is difficult to understand the character of a guy when you just started dating him. If you already know his parents, then by all means take a closer look at his relatives. Not every man borrows the type of their behavior, but still some character traits appear in him from dad and mom. Recent studies in the field of psychology have shown that a young man often finds himself a wife who resembles his mother not only in appearance (optional), but also in character. Alas, often they adopt not the best from their close relatives, some forms of deviation pass between generations. To predict what your spouse will be like in the future, you need to find out how his parents feel about bad habits, for example, alcohol. There are many examples from life when a child becomes like his parent. In particular, drinking beer on Fridays with friends is not the best signal for a future family.

Match your social statuses

Modern history knows episodes in which a woman simultaneously received both a prince and a horse, and half a kingdom in addition! But still, unequal status is one of the reasons for divorce, psychologists say. Social misalliance can lead to one partner being ashamed of the other if they "fall short". Moreover, we are talking not only about the financial situation, but also about the level of culture, belonging to different nations and religions. Any misalliance can create difficulties in a relationship. Try to choose a person close to you in social status.

The modern monogamous family is considered a social organism that arose in the early class period. In any case, in that period of time when social inequality was already forming in human society, leaders, ordinary community members, priests, successful hunters and military leaders appeared. Accordingly, just being born, the institution of the family was immediately designed for two variants of its design:

Option 1. Marriages within the same social group when partners are approximately equal to each other in origin, status in society and wealth;

Option 2. Marriages between representatives of different social groups, often located through several social steps from each other.

There is no need to say that over thousands of years of history, humanity has absolutely unequivocally come to the conclusion that marriages are the most durable exactly according to option No. 1, that is, within one social group. Why? Yes, because only this scheme saved the spouses from the set of troubles that followed in a completely natural way from option No. 2.

Family troubles derived from social inequality between spouses:

Ten family problems derived from differences in social origin and position of spouses:
Such an unequal marriage can be opposed by the parents of both socially higher and socially lower spouses. Moreover, a hostile attitude towards this marriage can persist for life. Often the parents of such spouses do not communicate with each other.
Such an unequal marriage can be opposed by the environment (friends and girlfriends) of both socially higher and socially lower spouses.
Socially higher spouses can afford to communicate with the socially lower "half" down, which hurts the vanity of both men and women.
Socially lower spouses often live with the idea of “revenge-self-affirmation”, strive to socially outgrow their partner, prove to him (her) and everyone around them that they are not inferior in anything, they can be more successful in life.
Socially lower spouses, having turned out to be successful, often rejoice at the failures and demotion of their "half" on the social ladder, believing that "there is justice in the world, life puts everything in its place."
Socially superior spouses may struggle to hold back the social growth of their "half", thereby causing tension in the family.
Spouses can cite the biography of their “half” (both successful and not very successful) as an example of “how not to live,” which provokes family conflicts.
One of the couple may prevent children from communicating with grandparents if, in their opinion, they are “of the wrong class”.
Spouses from different social strata often form completely different everyday needs and habits, which may not coincide with the needs and habits of the “half” from another stratum.
Spouses from different social strata often form completely different ideas about the goals in life and ways of spending leisure time, which also does not strengthen family relationships.

To make all this more clear to my readers, let's clarify the concept: "The social status of the spouses." In simple terms, this is the position of a person in society. This position itself is formed in seven ways, which may even be stages in the life of each person. Below are some practical recommendations.

First. Either try all your life to match the social status of each other, or know and follow the rules for compensating for differences in the social status of spouses.

This is the main practical recommendation of this chapter. I will develop this point in more depth two chapters below, in the chapter “This terrible word is perspective ...”. In the meantime, remember the elementary rule: either you are a “locomotive driver” in your family and pull it “up” in social life, or you are a “passenger” of this train and then your task is to create the most comfortable moral, psychological, domestic and sexual conditions for successful and hard work of the "driver". If you also want to become a "machinist", this is only commendable! Just remember: while you are still moving towards the cherished goal of becoming a boss or a successful businessman, still continue to behave correctly in relation to the existing “driver”. Otherwise, you can get into a mess: and not improve your status and lose your existing family.

Second. Be as adequate as possible in assessing your social status and the status of your family "half".

Remember: one of the scariest things on earth is human illusions! In my opinion, they have killed more people on Earth than all the world wars and diseases. Among other things, they regularly destroy human families. Destroyed by the fact that many husbands and wives make the same mistakes that are above, which I have identified as "The five main mistakes of spouses on the issue of social status." Let me remind you again:

Error 1. Spouses should treat their "family halves" all their lives in exactly the same way as it took place at the time of the beginning of their relationship, based on their then social status. Especially if it used to be higher than it is now.

Mistake 2. Spouses should treat their "family halves", all their lives based on the social status of their parents (high or low).

Mistake 3.Spouses should treat their "family halves" based only on their status, regardless of their level of income. This often leads to a conflict between social status and the real level of income and significance in the family.

Error 4. Spouses should relate to their "family halves" based not on their real social status, but on their ideas about the status of their environment.

Mistake 5. Spouses should treat their "family halves" based not on their real social status, but on some ideas about what status they will have in the future.

These are not just mistakes, these are the psychological traps that many men and women fall into. Be smart! Evaluate yourself and your partner as adequately as possible. Based on sober assessments, behave appropriately in family life.

Third. If your social status is higher than the status of a partner, still respect, love and appreciate the person who loves, respects and appreciates you, and for many years already.

As you know, life is complicated and unpredictable. None of us is guaranteed a comfortable old age, a red carpet for life, awe of others and subordinates, millions of foreign currency accounts. And if we have all this now, it is far from a fact that all this will continue forever. Accordingly, it is absolutely impossible to exclude that our close people, whom we still consider “ballast” on our necks and “losers”, after some time will develop to such an extent that they will rise on the social ladder above you now. If this does not happen, this may not be their fault either: this is how everyday circumstances have developed. From here I firmly state my position:

Social inequality is the engine of mankind, but the destroyer of families and human Happiness. Hence: social inequality is not allowed into the Family!

Believe me: when one of the spouses, feeling “great”, begins to create an atmosphere of servility and servility at home, cruelly suppresses any free-thinking and benevolent criticism, he (a) automatically takes a step towards loneliness. In addition, he (a) takes a step towards the hatred and contempt that he (she) will be awarded by those who loved this person in his poverty and philistine insignificance.

Psychologists every week have to deal with high-ranking, influential and wealthy men and women, from whom their wives or husbands have left, albeit to socially “lower” and poorer ones, but relating to them ... humanly. And then it immediately turns out that folk wisdom is right:

Love, fidelity, family happiness for titles and money can not be bought!

How does your future husband feel about children?

An interesting fact: the female mouse chooses a spouse for herself according to the degree of his care in relation to the offspring! And rightly so, you also need a man who will take responsibility for raising children on an equal basis with you! But how do you choose a father-ready husband?

In any serious relationship, the issue of pregnancy sooner or later will rise. Someone discusses it while still in love, someone needs time to understand and decide on their position. The difference in this issue is that a woman a priori wants a child from her beloved man, and it is more difficult to understand a man in this matter. It seems that they have been living together for several years, but for some reason he “pulls rubber” on the issue of pregnancy. To live, make common plans and lead a joint life does not always mean that both are planning a child. If a girl starts thinking about happy motherhood, but doesn’t know if it’s real with a particular guy, let’s dwell on small nuances that will help to recognize his feelings.

It is clear that the easiest way is to sit down and discuss this topic. But men rarely initiate a conversation, and even more so. But the woman herself is unlikely to ask: “Honey, do you want children from me?” Everyone wants to feel desired and loved so that the man himself raises this issue. So in many ways it just hangs in the air. Although this feminine feature (he must intuitively understand what I want) is often very harmful, or in any case does not allow him to have what he wants. It is an open heart-to-heart conversation that will help the girl find out what is going on in his soul.

Why is the simplest and most effective approach is a conversation?

Because that's what adults usually do when they want to know something. But the conversation does not have to be built according to the pattern worn out by the ladies: “Do you love me / do you want children?”. Better approach. For example, come up with some kind of situation or problem involving the child and offer to discuss it, they say, “I don’t even know what I would have done if I were a mother,” and then observe his behavior and words. "Front attack" does not always give the best result, but intricate labyrinths are also not suitable.

If a conversation for some reason is not an option, the first thing you can pay attention to is his attitude towards children in general. If he is annoyed by the very fact of their presence next to him, he is unlikely to be delighted with his kids. But children are different - noisy and quiet, whimsical and cheerful, with some it is a pleasure to mess around, others only cry. Perhaps he is strained by capricious and difficult children. But if he does not like to play with cute babies, there is something to think about.

In any case, it is worth observing the behavior of a man.

At the same time, it is better to refrain from commenting aloud and not to impose the desired reaction on him. You can even create conditionally "greenhouse conditions for observation" - come up with a vacation with couples who have small peanuts, and at different levels of "smallness".
Although this does not characterize the situation for sure. Many simply do not have any feelings for strangers, but they are ready to give a little more than everything to their own. In this matter, his relationship with his nephews or, for example, with godchildren, will be very indicative - whether he loves them, how often he pays attention, what he says about them.

Despite the popular belief that a man who does not mind becoming a father will himself draw your attention to children, this is not so. For example, to be touched by their chubby cheeks and small noses, to pay attention to passers-by children or toddlers in the cinema. I personally have not met such men, although I know many young dads. He will not focus your attention on pink jumpsuits and multi-colored sliders. And will not put as wallpaper on your desktop a photo of a cute alien baby. Definitely do not expect such obvious evidence of his love for children from a guy.

And, of course, the most important factor by which a man can be understood is his attitude towards a woman.

It seems that he loves, and appreciates, and cares, and we have been living together for more than one month, but for some reason everything is not moving anywhere. This is the situation when, after five years of marriage, for some reason there were no children, and with a new woman they appeared as a matter of course. He may not show any initiative with this woman, but want to have them with another. When a man takes some serious steps (a wedding, for example, or is ready for sex without a condom), it means that he considers this woman as his other half and does not mind killing children. Although these moments are also very conditional.

There are, unfortunately, reverse situations when a man wants a child, but when he hears the news about the pregnancy of his beloved, he falls into a stupor, and later backs down. There is a big difference between “I want” and “I am ready”. How often can you meet a wedding with a bride in a position in which the spouses make plans for a happy life together, and after the birth, the young mother is left to raise the child alone. The man simply ran away from responsibility. It seemed to him that he wanted to and could, but before the birth of the child, and now it is too troublesome, financially expensive, "and in general he yells at night." But it can also be an initially unplanned pregnancy.

According to some men, few people can accurately understand whether he wants and can until the woman is directly in position. But not everyone will take risks and check his desires. If he loves a woman, makes far-reaching plans with her, does not declare that he is a deto-hater and is not going to have children for any money, then he wants babies from her, or at least not against it. Therefore, we will return to the first option - to sit down and calmly discuss this topic.

The issue of pregnancy and children is so individual that you will not find a ready-made single solution for everyone.

Someone thinks that you won't know if he wants children or not until you give birth. Someone pesters with tedious questions, expecting that the guy will immediately begin to enthusiastically discuss the name of the unborn child. Someone understands that a man wants children, purely intuitively, with his spinal cord. But if more negativity arises with this question, if it is accompanied by constant excuses and scandals, and the girl somewhere deep in her soul understands that he rather does not want to, and intentionally leaves the topic, then it is likely that this is so.

Not all men dare to talk about it directly. However, warm relations with little nephews and godchildren will speak for themselves. And if they are not, let your friend invite you both to a noisy children's party. This is where you will see his true attitude towards children!

Genetic approach to choosing your husband

Unfortunately, you cannot do without a pragmatic approach if you want to give birth to healthy offspring. When your relationship becomes more trusting, ask if your chosen one or his relatives have chronic diseases, does he often get sick (is his immunity strong), does he play sports? Few people can boast of a complete absence of diseases, but the habit of taking care of your health is already a good sign of a responsible and adult person!

It is irresponsible to fantasize about your possibilities without knowing the limits. To get involved in psychology, forgetting about physiology and genetics is wrong. The higher grows through the lower, and any psychologist should know the basics of genetics. It is not true that a newborn is just a body with a set of genes: a newborn is already a member of society, this is someone's child, his mother already loves him and his father is ready to raise him. No one yet knows whether a child has at least the rudiments of mind, will and spirit from birth, but one thing can be said with certainty: a child has his genes from birth, which determine his life and development. Human genetics are the innate characteristics of a person transmitted through genes.

Genes are sections of DNA that carry information about heredity. Congenital features of a person transmitted through genes - human genetics. A genotype is a set of genes of an organism, a phenotype is the external manifestations of these genes, a set of characteristics of an organism. A phenotype is everything that can be seen, counted, measured, described just by looking at a person (blue eyes, blond hair, short stature, temperament - choleric, and so on).

In men, the genotype is more variable, in women - the phenotype.

According to some geneticists, genes pass programs to a greater extent not to the next generation, but through the generation, that is, your genes will not be in your children, but in your grandchildren. And your children have the genes of your parents.

What determines our genes

Genes determine our physical and mental characteristics, genes specify that we, as humans, cannot fly and breathe underwater, but we can learn human speech and writing. Boys are easier to navigate in the objective world, girls - in the world of relationships. Someone was born with an absolute ear for music, someone with an absolute memory, and someone with the most average abilities.

The ability of the child depends on the age of the parents. Genius children are most often born in a couple where the mother is 27 years old, the father is 38. However, the healthiest children appear in younger parents, when the mother is from 18 to 27. Your choice? Genes determine many of our character traits and tendencies. In boys, it is a tendency to engage in cars, not dolls. Genes influence our individual predispositions, including disease, antisocial behavior, talent, physical or intellectual activity, and so on. Can it be argued that all people from childhood have a natural inclination towards goodness, that a person is by nature good? This is one of the central questions on which disputes among psychologists do not subside.

At the same time, it is important to always remember: propensity pushes a person, but does not determine his behavior. Genes are responsible for propensity, a person is responsible for behavior. Yes, and you can work with your inclinations: develop some, make them loved, and leave some out of your attention, extinguish them, forget ...

Genes determine the time when some of our talent or inclination will manifest or not.

Genes determine the time when some of our talents can manifest. I got at the right time, when the genes are ready - I did a miracle. Missed on time - you fly by. Today, the child’s susceptibility to developmental processes is high - he is a “white sheet”, “absorbs only good things” and “very talented”, and a year later: “does not understand anything”, “what is on the forehead, what is on the forehead” and “the apple is not far from the apple tree falls" (sadly).

Genes determine when our sex drive wakes up and when it falls asleep. Genes affect both happiness and personality traits.

After analyzing data from more than 900 pairs of twins, psychologists at the University of Edinburgh found evidence for the existence of genes that determine character traits, a tendency to be happy, and the ability to tolerate stress more easily.

Aggressiveness and goodwill, genius and dementia, autism or extraversion are passed on to children from their parents as inclinations. All this is changed by upbringing, but to a different degree, since the inclinations are of different strength. Whether a child is taught or not is also related to his genetics. And here we note: healthy children are quite trainable. Human genetics makes man an exceptionally trainable being!

Genes are the bearers of our abilities, including the ability to change and improve. Interestingly, men and women have different opportunities in this regard. Men are more likely than women to be born with one or another deviation: among men there are more of those who will be very tall and very short, very smart and vice versa, talented and idiotic. It seems that nature is experimenting on men ... At the same time, if a man was born this way, it is very difficult for him to change this during his life. A man is tied to his genotype, his phenotype (the external manifestation of the genotype) changes little.

Born long - long and stay. A short man can rise 1-2 centimeters with the help of sports, but no more.

For women, the situation is different. Women are born more on average the same, among them there are fewer biological, genetic abnormalities. More often of average height, average intelligence, average decency, idiots and sludge among women are less than among men. But also outstanding intellectually or morally - similarly. It seems that evolution, conducting experiments on men, decides not to take risks on women and invests in women all the most reliable. At the same time, individual (phenotypic) variability in women is higher: if a girl was born small relative to others, she will be able to stretch 2-5 cm (more than a guy can) ... Women have more freedom from their genotype, they have a greater opportunity than men , change yourself.

Genes give us our capabilities, and genes limit our capabilities.

A proud wheat ear grows from a grain of wheat, and a beautiful branchy apple tree grows from an apple tree seedling. Our essence, our inclinations and the ability to realize ourselves are given to us by our genes. On the other hand, only an ear of wheat will grow from a grain of wheat, only an apple tree will grow from an apple tree seedling, and no matter how much a frog puffs up, it will not swell into a bull. She doesn’t even have enough strength to burst from the effort.

Man is a part of nature, and all of the above is true for him. Genes predetermine the limits of our capabilities, including our ability to change ourselves, strive for growth and development. If you are lucky with your genes, you have managed to perceive the influence of your parents and teachers, and have grown up as a developed, decent and talented person. Thanks to parents! If you are less fortunate with genes, and you (suddenly!) were born down, then in the best environment only a well-bred down will grow out of you. In this sense, our genes are our destiny, and we cannot directly change our genes, our ability to grow and change.

How much genetically embedded in us is a very controversial issue (the interaction of heredity and environment is studied by psychogenetics). Rather, it is true that the more a person moves away from the animal world, the less in him is innate and more acquired. For now, it must be admitted that there is a lot of innateness in most of us. On average, according to geneticists, genes determine human behavior by 40%.

If you love your child and learn to be a good parent and caregiver, are you guaranteed success? No. No matter how talented a teacher you are, you can have a “sour” or difficult child with whom there is really little you can do. If you do your best, you can reduce the trouble people have from this child, but will you have time to raise a worthy person out of him in two decades of raising him? It doesn't always work out that way. A person is born with his own character, and he is very different. Some children are born immediately "at home" - the character is light, malleable, they are friends with adults and listen to them. For others, the character of the very beginning is difficult: it is difficult for them themselves, it is difficult with them.

What does it mean? Only that it is worth taking a closer look at the one or the one with whom you are going to start a family. Pay attention to relatives, taking into account not only the fact that you will have to meet with them, but also the fact that your child may also have one or another character. Good relatives!

Genetics can be good or bad, and it depends, among other things, on our lifestyle. Under favorable conditions and a good educational process, a possible negative predisposition may not be realized, or it may be corrected, “covered up” by the influence of neighboring awakened genes, and a positive predisposition, sometimes hidden, may appear. Sometimes a person (child) simply does not know his capabilities, and categorically “putting an end to it”, saying that “a swan will not grow out of this ugly duckling” is dangerous.

Another danger, another risk, is to waste time and energy on a person from whom nothing good can come of it. They say that anyone can become a genius, and theoretically it is. However, practically one needs thirty years for this, while another needs three hundred years, and investing in such problematic people is unprofitable. Sports coaches argue that it is innate talent, not training methodology, that is the most important factor in shaping a future champion. What is given to a person by nature is the basis on which everything else can be built.

If a girl was born a brown-haired woman with green eyes and a “predisposition” to be overweight, then, of course, you can dye your hair and put on colored lenses: the girl will still remain a green-eyed brown-haired woman. But whether her “predisposition” will be embodied in the fifty-large sizes worn by all her relatives largely depends on herself. And even more so, it depends on her whether by the age of forty, sitting in this fifty-large size, she will scold the state and the life that has not developed (as all her relatives do) or find many other interesting activities for herself.

Can a person change, sometimes overcome, and sometimes improve his genetics?

The answer to this question cannot be general, since this is also given individually genetically. In general, it is correct to say that the development of a child is determined by inclinations plus upbringing. However, for one child, from birth, 90% is determined by his inclinations and only 10% can be added by education (an unyielding child), for another, malleable one, he is almost like a blank sheet, 10% of inclinations and 90% of what you invest in education will be. Both ratios are an inborn characteristic of a child.

What is your or your child's ratio? You can understand this only by experience, starting with your child (or with yourself). Get started! Genes set opportunities, it depends on us how we realize these opportunities. If you have good genetics, you can make it even better and pass it on to your children as the most precious gift. Our DNA remembers what kind of childhood we had, there are observations that habits, skills, inclinations and even manners are genetically transmitted. If you have developed good manners, beautiful manners, set a good voice, accustomed yourself to the daily routine and responsibility, then there is a good chance that sooner or later this will enter the genotype of your last name.

Genes determine our inclinations, our abilities and inclinations, but not our destiny. Genes determine the launching pad for activity - for some it is better, for others it is more difficult. But what will be done on the basis of this platform is no longer the concern of genes, but of people: the person himself and those who are close to him.

When thinking about genetics, it is important to remember that a person does not live and build himself alone. If you rely only on your own genetics, you can remain a savage. We are surrounded by a culture that has been created by many generations for many hundreds of years, absorbing the best of everyone's genetics. We are taught and we can learn. What is difficult to develop in oneself on one's own can be developed by a teacher or coach: perhaps he has a genetically assigned amazing talent for this. People can help each other. What we can't do alone, we'll do together!

Similarity of interests, hobbies and behavior in everyday life

It is said that opposites attract, but soon they may repel because they will not find common activities. If for him the ultimate dream is to sit in front of the TV, and you need to climb mountains with a backpack on your shoulders, then you will inevitably spend time separately.

There is no need to strive for absolute similarity of interests when choosing the right husband. It's good if you have a couple of common hobbies, and as many different ones. So you can have fun together, but at the same time not lose your circle of friends and share different impressions.

It is very important to see how a man behaves in everyday life, because couples often stumble on this. Accurate, accustomed to household duties? The best way to find out is to come visit uninvited.

How to choose a man by smell?

This is a very important factor for many women when choosing a man. It is impossible to love someone whose smell is unpleasant. In this regard, nature has given our nose a very important and not yet fully disclosed function.

In 2002, a group of researchers from the United States conducted a series of studies, during which they came to the conclusion that the best part of humanity has the ability to literally sniff out genetic information that is useful for their offspring and, accordingly, choose suitable fathers for their future children by smell. Moreover, the sharpness of smell, inherited by women from their ancestors, has not faded at all, since most of them are able to recognize even individual genes in this way. Responsible for such abilities is the HLA genetic group, which, by the way, is transmitted through the paternal line. That is, mother and daughter will have different olfactory preferences. Isn't this, by the way, the reason for the inexhaustible folklore about the complex relationship between mother-in-law and son-in-law?

Despite the fact that in women the ability to intuitively analyze smells is more developed, men are also not deprived of them. Both sexes have always known about the romantic properties of smell. And they always tried to deceive each other by using certain aromatic substances. Numerous incense was smeared not only on bodies, but also letters, rooms and clothes. Alas, such an intoxicating attack did not add personal happiness to anyone. In the light of recent discoveries and hypotheses, the expediency of strong-smelling perfumery can be questioned in general, as a means of hiding your true “face”.

By the way, modern specialists in aromatherapy do not advise to get involved in strong, “sexy” smells that can captivate, or rather confuse your partner for a short time. A more stable and natural way to win over him or her is the use of weak, auxiliary smells associated with pleasant memories, images. For example, plants reminiscent of pleasant travels, "smells of childhood" or even the faint smells of a favorite dish. To find such smells - and each of them is individual - means to take a serious step to the heart of a person. Naturally, all this will work, provided that your main, natural smell is pleasant or, at least, will not cause rejection in your chosen one or chosen one. If this happens, all perfume tricks and other means to achieve location will be useless.

Determine the temperament of a man for his marriage

To demonstrate unbridled temperament in the first phase of acquaintance is supposed for a man by status, and for a woman - out of necessity, so as not to frighten off the emerging "prey". And it's not hard to do either. The novelty of sensations, the freshness of perception, and the absence of everyday contradictions play into the hands of newly-appeared lovers. But you won’t last long on novelty alone, sooner or later you have to “declassify” and admit that you are not at all ready for anything choleric, but just a modest phlegmatic.

It’s good if the partner himself turns out to be not as “unbridled” as he wanted to seem at first. Otherwise, his "several times a day" is unlikely to suit your "once a month". And all you have to do is to prepare a suitcase and tears for parting. It is best, of course, to decide in advance on this issue and thereby avoid misunderstandings later. However, it is unlikely that it will be possible to determine something by temperament.

The classical division into choleric, sanguine, phlegmatic and melancholic does not quite suit sexologists. They distinguish sexual temperament as a separate indicator and prefer to divide it into three components:

Strong sexual type. Early begins sexual life and does not abandon this exciting activity until old age. Prone to frequent sexual intercourse, impatient, persistent, can hardly endure abstinence, loves extreme sex.

Weak sexual type. This is just the opposite. He is in no hurry to know the joys of the "forbidden fruit", strives for stable relationships, is capable of "swan" fidelity, does not like experiments.

Medium sexy type. Golden mean. When you need to start, when you need to finish. Periods of activity painlessly alternate with temporary "stagnation". Moderately risky, moderately relaxed, moderately active, in general - normal.

If you are not in the same group as your counterpart, do not despair. Psychologists advise not to pay too much attention to this factor. The main thing is that there is love between you and a desire to keep this love, then you can easily agree in any case.

Another way to determine the sexuality of a partner is to find out his blood type. The issue of blood is already of no small importance in human life. This is evidenced by at least the number of epithets with which we endowed this life-bearing liquid. Native, hot, blue, hostile, icy - all these definitions can say a lot even about a person we do not know. The real breakthrough in the "bloody" case occurred after scientists found out that the contents of our veins and arteries vary greatly in composition. The four blood types hold many secrets. What to eat, what diseases to be afraid of, and even with whom to sleep - all this turned out to be possible to find out by donating just a drop of your blood to the merciless laboratory assistant.

I group. The so-called male hunters. They love all kinds of obstacles, persistently overcome them, enjoy the fruits of victories for a while and again go in search of unattainable goals. The most important thing here is to torture him with inaccessibility and uncertainty for as long as possible, and then from time to time “shake your hormones” with the illusion of a possible loss of an already won “trophy”.

II group. Men with the second blood type, like true tillers, “spud the soil” for a long time before taking advantage of the fruits of the “harvest”. They prefer long courtship to “barbaric attacks” and can give their chosen one not only affection, but also care. The main thing for you is not to stupidly reject such a stable, but terribly boring boyfriend. Lucky for those who will understand in time that reliability for long-term relationships is much more preferable than reckless, but damn attractive frivolity and the intensity of wild passions.

III group.“I came, I saw, I conquered. If you don’t win, let’s move on” - this is the motto of a man - a moth. He will not be particularly upset by the refusal of reciprocity, and he will not take the "impregnable fortress" by storm. Playing "run away - catch up" with this type will not work. He will easily put up with your intransigence, so it is important to throw out the “white flag” in time.

IV group. This mysterious man acts on women like fire on moths. They flock to the flame of his passion and burn without regret in it. He easily and naturally conquers hearts until Cupid's arrow strikes his own. That's when he gets the opportunity to experience all the torments of hell, as he usually falls in love with those rare ladies who are completely indifferent to his charms. If you are burning with passion for such a romantic nature - your business is seams, the mystery man does not like women who adore him.

Before you run with your companion to a nearby clinic to donate blood, keep in mind that doctors consider all this to be just another entertainment like horoscopes. But, on the other hand, for many, these mystical methods are a real revelation.

The degree of male ingenuity and sophistication in bed can also be determined due to some features of his appearance. Secular observations allow us to conclude that:

Abundant vegetation on the body of a man (especially on the chest and legs) is a sign of his increased sexuality. It turned out that the version is not without solidity. Scientists have found that body hair is directly dependent on the level of the hormone testosterone, which, in turn, regulates sexual needs and opportunities. So the more hair on the body of your lover, the more you can count on, unless, of course, education, social morality and other deterrents intervene.

Something about "such" can be said by the growth of the applicant and the length of his legs. A tall man with long legs (the dream of any woman) is far from the best lover. Much greater talents and abilities are distinguished by short short men with crooked legs.

Look also at the lips of the contender for your favor. Sophistication in bed is promised by full sensual lips. Thin, compressed into a thread, signal a complex character and a slight sexual temperament.

And, of course, fingers. This is what ladies are advised to look at first of all in order to navigate the size of manhood. Thick and short, thin and long, small and bumpy ... what a scope for women's imagination!

Pay attention to all these signs and features or not - it's up to you. But in any case, you should not rely entirely on them. There are so many complexities in the nature of human relationships that it is hardly possible to get rid of the length of fingers and blood type.

Attitude towards money and the character of the future husband

A man's attitude towards money can tell a lot about his character. It is very flattering if he is ready to spend his entire salary on you in an expensive restaurant, but the head of the family should be responsible and careful about money.

Watch:
Does he keep receipts after purchase?
Does it compare prices when choosing a product?
does the budget plan?
does it have a cash airbag?
does it invest?

Man's attitude to life and his life attitudes

Silent question: how to choose a husband if he does not want to be a husband? Before making a final decision, make sure that your man clearly knows what he wants in this life. Find out his plans for the future, what does he aspire to, does he want to develop as a person? Does he need a family?

If your attitudes in life intersect, then you can move forward together. If not, let go and leave the person his right to live the way he wants. Do not expect that you will be able to re-educate him.

Male nose in a relationship between a man and a woman

Do you know what role the male nose plays in the relationship between a man and a woman? All psychologists unanimously say that it is very important. Women, of course, want the chosen one to have a perfectly even and straight nose, but men are rarely ideally beautiful. And in general, happiness is not in beauty, the most important thing is that a person be good and love his soul mate. Take a closer look at your man, what kind of nose does he have?

Roman nose? You will have to come to terms with the boring character of your chosen one. He will be meticulous about every little thing. This man needs everything to be in order at home, cleanly cleaned and prepared. Otherwise, they will start making scandals, literally from scratch. Women who are close to such men need to be patient or love cleanliness and order themselves. If she supports all the interests of her beloved, then they will have a long and happy life together.

Roman nose? Most likely, your chosen one is fickle and a little greedy. To live happily with such a man, you need to be able to save money and get used to the fact that your husband will often change his mind. In addition, very often the owners of an aquiline nose have a high conceit. Although, in some cases - it's good.

Aquiline nose? Most likely, your man is very stubborn. No effort can force him to give up bad habits. He always has his own opinion and will insist on it, even if he himself perfectly understands that he is wrong. Such men especially love to eat, and usually in the evening.

Thin and slightly pointed nose? Such men love to be pitied. They are very touchy and believe that a woman should always support their opinion. With the owner of a thin, pointed nose, you need to be careful, talk, weighing every word, otherwise, your loved one may be offended.

Snub nose? The owners of a snub nose are very soft natures. Big fans of concerts, exhibitions, museums. Although they will not refuse to take a walk in the evening to a bar or disco. He wants to go to places of entertainment most often with friends. The wife of such a reveler will have to wait for him dutifully at home!

Large, fleshy nose? Owners of a large, fleshy nose are very affectionate. They love their wife very much. They often work hard, but they do not earn much. They love to eat well and sleep well.

Carefully study the social circle of a potential husband

"Tell me who your friend is and I'll tell you who you are!" Did he introduce you to his friends? Take a closer look at them as carefully as a family.

Who are they? Restless bachelors or married men? Only require attention or help? Are you treated with respect? Draw your own conclusions!

Don't forget about yourself

Play a role in choosing a partner in life and other significant factors. If you imagine your husband as very businesslike, in a formal suit, with a tie, it is clear that you should not look for this at a disco or other entertainment establishments. You should think about visiting reputable places, maybe among the partner firms of your company (where you work) there are such. Perhaps you should go there on a business trip, or at least take the initiative to work with such a company into your own hands. Perhaps there is something your future betrothed and works. Just don't have office romances in your office.

No one has canceled such important qualities for a woman as accuracy, femininity, a sense of humor (by the way, it is very important). Who would want to live with a slut who, moreover, constantly grumbles and is dissatisfied with everything. So pay attention to your demeanor, how you dress. Maybe the advice of a stylist will be just right for you.

There are many stereotypes that should, it seems, idealize a man. Based on them, women try to choose just such a husband for their family. “So that he doesn’t drink or smoke and always give flowers.”

But does everything work out so perfectly in the future? A man is not a robotic Ken doll, he has a soul, his own needs and character. Relying on a couple of requirements for a husband, you can run into such a monster that all the positive traits will turn out to be to hell. Well, everything is in order.

Well, since they are greeted by clothes, then appearance is also not the last thing. Although she, most often, plays a major role in the early stages of a relationship. It is very easy for a handsome man to attract girls to him. Is it possible to live with him further?

He can be narcissistic and selfish. A sort of tsatsochka, for which the girl herself needs to look after.

He's used to being admired by everyone. Therefore, he does not shine with loyalty. Not seeing fans around him, he will definitely go on a "hunt" for them.

He demands from his girlfriend to be perfect too. Adore fitness and healthy eating. If you don't like it, don't pretend to be handsome.

Of course, one should not immediately be disappointed in all ideal handsome men - there are exceptions. Just lucky with the appearance, and in addition the soul of gold. But this is such a rarity!

For a family, it is best to choose a thoroughbred man, with his own personality in appearance. For example, a man is not perfect, but he has a strong-willed chin. Or a beautiful lip line. Or eyes of incredibly bright color.

Perhaps it is this “zest” in appearance that will be inherited by your children. Imagine his eyes and your blond, wavy hair! This is what angels will turn out! Therefore, do not immediately fall in love with beauty - consider the soul before giving him consent to your hand and heart.

How potential brides adore rich "princes on horseback"! But not everyone can be the wives of oligarchs and titled persons. By the way, there are also many problems with the rich. How it happens in life - you can read in the article.

“Well, at least he was a hard worker!” the bride thinks desperately. Right! But there are some obstacles here: look at how workaholism sometimes affects family life:

The man has a choleric temperament, and he really "digs the earth with his nose" to provide for his family. Only for the family itself, this temperament goes sideways. An unsuccessful deal - and the wife falls under a hot hand. Tired at work, children climb with toys - and they will get it from an evil dad.

The man really sucks. Only far from the family - in another country, city, on a rotational basis, or he generally goes on long voyages. In this case, even the “Sunday dad”, when divorcing his wife, sees his children more often. Of course, such men also have the right to a family, but then the wife must be extremely faithful and patient.

A man gives all his time to work. No, he lives in the same city with his family, but even when he is at home, he is practically not there. Officially, he is at one job, unofficially at another, and in his computer she is the third. There is no time for either a wife or children, and only a common bed brings him closer to his wife. Just a dream - no sex.

In all three cases, it must be borne in mind that the wife should take over the entire household and care for the family. And don't complain. There will be money, but the attention from the husband and father will be limited.

Therefore, when choosing a man for your life, think carefully: is high welfare important to you at the expense of your family? She may be incomplete. Or are you satisfied with the average income, but the main thing is that the cute one would be around?

Another big problem is these bad habits. It is clear that blue drug addicts are not considered as husbands at all. Spoiling the health and genes of your future children - what the hell is it for? A man must be crystal clear.

But many do not think that for excellent health it is necessary to give up other bad habits:

Coffee. A kind of drug for coffee lovers. Nervousness, dehydration, calcium indigestion, high blood pressure, and most importantly, heart disease. It's a whole bouquet!

Sweets. These are obesity, diabetes mellitus, impaired metabolism and indigestion. And handsome men can lose their teeth.

Fatty food. High cholesterol, diseases of the cardiovascular system, liver damage, obesity. Again - handsome men are at risk of becoming covered with pimples.

Continue? Well, sort of, and that's enough. Therefore, which of the women shakes so much for an absolutely healthy family without bad habits, they should marry a man who drinks spring water and chews a cabbage leaf.

Sounds absurd, right? A bit exaggerated. Yes indeed. Therefore, it is not necessary to radically deny everything that, in moderation, creates a good mood and does not spoil life. Even a lady on a strict diet can be tempted by a slice of cake on her birthday and a barbecue at a picnic.

A healthy family is a happy family. The most bad habits are scandals, aggression and fights. If cockroaches start up in your head about a strictly healthy lifestyle, and your husband is categorically against it, then what kind of healthy environment in the family can we talk about ?!

If, nevertheless, you are strict in this regard, then choose the right man who is in solidarity with you in this and looks at life the same way as you do. But do not try to remake an adult with his established habits.

On mutual respect of spouses, in principle, the whole family is built. But precisely on mutual. If a man has a complaisant character, and he is inferior to his soulmate in everything, then this half often tries to twist ropes out of him. In other words, it makes you henpecked.

At first, all her friends envy a woman and her mother-in-law loves her. Well, of course: gallant, attentive, serves coffee in bed, gives flowers, picks him up from work by car, and how much he helps in the household!

This is where smart ladies think: how to do it so as not to lose this diamond? His wife and mother-in-law will also create all the conditions for him to ride like cheese in butter. But bad minds will take the gentleness of a man's character for uncomplaining submission. And it began:

The mother-in-law climbs into all matters, the wife agrees. The husband should always be in all places at the same time: at work, take his mother-in-law to the country, take the children to the kindergarten, help his wife with cleaning. Simultaneously! How he succeeds - does not care, the main thing is that he was.

More and more requirements appear. The position and salary of the husband does not suit anyone - it will not be enough. Gifts are increasingly criticized. What is cheap cosmetics? If you don't understand, don't buy. Let's write a list next time - run around and find what you need.

Humiliation at every turn. The words are offensive and hurtful. Moreover, they do not remain inside the walls of the house, but outside them: the whole district knows what kind of husband in the family is a worthless penny. Everyone laughs - friends, colleagues, acquaintances. They tore the man apart.

Therefore, yes, when choosing a husband for yourself, it is much better to marry an agreeable and kind person than an aggressor. But if you break his psyche, he will not endure this terror in the family for a long time. And do not be surprised if he suddenly turns from a white and fluffy bunny into a terrible monster and runs away from his family.

But even here there can be "50 shades of gray". Some men really like this position of a masochist in the family. But you will learn about this from the article.

The young family does not yet understand how they will love their little children. Even women who have given birth sometimes lack maternal instinct. And what about men who have not yet planned to become fathers, but they were put before the fact: “I will give birth, you will become a dad, period!”

And then such dads are stigmatized: “Where is your call of blood, fatherly feelings, you are not a man, but a bastard!” Let them call such a man whatever they want, but he really doesn’t have any feelings or calls yet. Therefore, the requirement “To love children” cannot be determined if a man has no experience.

You can also check it somehow - for example:

How does he feel about his younger siblings?

Do babies in swaddling clothes evoke tenderness in him?

How long does he endure the roar of your friend's baby when they are visiting you?

Will he be messing around with a bunch of kids who have come to share a picnic with your friends?

And do not blame him for the fact that he still turns up his nose from the squeaking crowd, and is indifferent to babies. Therefore, it is not necessary to have children early, especially putting a man before the fact of future fatherhood. If he matures, he asks, then the attitude towards children will be different, and family life will be much simpler.

Almost the same happens if a man takes a woman with a child. There is no need to demand absolute love for your baby - it does not exist yet. The man fell in love with his mother, but it just so happened that she is already with the baby.

A good husband does not have to adore him. The main thing is if he treats him with warmth, as an obligatory member of the family. To have the opportunity to properly educate, once entrusted. Unfortunately, some mothers do not allow this and then are offended that a man is indifferent to her child.

They are different for every woman. It all depends on her temperament. Fidgets don’t like balanced phlegmatic people, calm housewives don’t like nervous choleric people, laughter people don’t like dull melancholic people, and dreamers who are in the clouds don’t like gloomy personalities.

By the way, here's a little cheat sheet for you to choose the right groom and live with him for a long time:

You have completely the same interests: from the genre of music to the choice of vacation spots.

You understand each other's humor, even if it seems flat to someone.

It is difficult for you to leave even for a day - you are constantly bored.

You know how to forgive and ask for forgiveness from each other.

Ideas about the future do not seem unrealistic and hopeless to both of you.

You trust each other more than yourself.

You can break off relations with everyone in order to stay together.

Both of you, foaming at the mouth, will defend the honor of the family in front of others, even if you are afraid of losing a lot.

With the coincidence of temperaments and interests that have been tested for a long time, wonderful unions are obtained. If the family lived together in a civil marriage and the characters got used to it, then it would be time to choose a dress with a veil.

What kind of wife will you be?

Choosing a man for her life, a woman gets to the bottom of all his qualities to the smallest detail. But few people sit down and think: but what kind of wife will I be? Am I worthy of such happiness, considering all its qualities? And will I love him the same way, take away all the good things from him?

Just imagine, to the envy of everyone, you have found yourself a man who meets all the requirements: a handsome sailor without bad habits, who earns a lot of money and wants children. And the character is just great!

But on one absolutely not perfect day, everything changed: on the ship, the husband was injured to the point of disability - there was a fire. He was pumped out, written off on land, given a small pension and that's it. From grief, he took to drink and completely stopped paying attention to the children.

Will you be able to be his support and support during this difficult time? Will his ugly appearance turn you off? Will you take on all the burdens of the family? Or will you not be ready for such a turn, and just leave him to the mercy of fate?

Yes, it certainly can be an exception, but everything happens in life. Even imagine the little things - he just lost his high income or his character became obstinate. Will you need him like this? If not, then apparently the matter is in you, and you are not yet completely ready for a serious family relationship.

Every woman needs a soul mate to create a family and have children. Previously, the care of choosing a husband for a daughter fell entirely on the shoulders of the parents, but such an important factor as the presence of feelings was not taken into account. Now A woman is free to choose her life partner. We all know that love is irrational, and at the peak of emotions, you can make the wrong choice. Love is wonderful, but marriage is long-term and serious.

How to choose the right husband so that he suits you as a spouse and at the same time becomes a good father - the women's website will tell about this today.

How to choose a husband: 10 things to pay attention to

Suppose there is already a potential candidate for your hand and heart. In general, you have warm feelings and interest in him.

However, if you want a strong and happy family, you will have to turn on mindfulness and analyze how it suits you. You won’t go far on one, the family should have mutual understanding, respect and similar interests.

So, what you need to pay attention to in order to choose the right husband:

1. Take a closer look at his family

Looking at the relationship of his relatives, you can understand what model of family behavior is embedded in it. Values such as respect for elders, mutual assistance, respect for a woman, the habit of sharing are most often instilled by parents. If they are considered the norm in his family, then there is a high probability of transferring these values to your future family.

2. Match your social statuses

Modern history knows episodes in which a woman simultaneously received both a prince and a horse, and half a kingdom in addition! 😉 But still unequal status is one of the reasons for divorce psychologists say.

Social misalliance can lead to one partner being ashamed of the other if they "fall short". Moreover, we are talking not only about the financial situation, but also about the level of culture, belonging to different nations and religions.

Any misalliance can create difficulties in a relationship. Try to choose a person close to you in social status.

3. Attitude towards children

But how do you choose a father-ready husband? Not all men dare to talk about it directly. However warm relationship with little nephews and godchildren will speak for themselves. And if they are not, let your friend invite you both to a noisy children's party. This is where you will see his true attitude towards children!

4. Genetic approach

Unfortunately, a pragmatic approach is indispensable, if you want to give birth to healthy offspring. When your relationship becomes more trusting, ask if your chosen one or his relatives have chronic diseases, does he often get sick (is his immunity strong), does he play sports?

Few people can boast of a complete absence of diseases, but here's the habit of looking after your health - already a good sign of a responsible and adult person!

5. Similarity of interests, hobbies and behavior in everyday life

There is no need to strive for absolute similarity of interests when choosing the right husband. Well if you have a couple of common hobbies, and so many different ones. So you can have fun together, but at the same time not lose your circle of friends and share different impressions.

It's very important to look how a man behaves in everyday life, because couples often stumble on this. Accurate, accustomed to household duties? The best way to find out is to come visit without an invitation 🙂

6. Sexual temperament

It is checked only experimentally! The main requirement is that mutual inexhaustible pleasure!

7. Attitude towards money

The site site knows for sure: a man’s attitude to money can tell a lot about his character. It is very flattering if he is ready to spend his entire salary on you in an expensive restaurant, but the attitude towards money of the head of the family should be responsible and careful.

Watch:

Does he keep receipts after purchase?
Does it compare prices when choosing a product?
does it plan?
does it have a cash airbag?
does it invest?

8. Attitude to life

Silent question: how to choose a husband if he does not want to be a husband?

Before making a final decision, make sure your A man clearly knows what he wants in this life. Find out his plans for the future, what does he aspire to, does he want to develop as a person? Does he need a family?

If your attitudes in life intersect, then you can move forward together. If not - let go and leave the man his right to live the way he wants. Do not expect that you will be able to re-educate him.

9. Social circle

"Tell me who your friend is and I'll tell you who you are!" Did he introduce you to his friends? Take a closer look at them as carefully as a family.

Who are they? Restless bachelors or married men? Only require attention or help? Are you treated with respect? Draw your own conclusions!

10. You yourself

Reflections are indispensable! It is impossible to choose the right husband without understanding what you yourself represent next to him. If he makes you happy, inspires you, if next to him you become better and develop, so he has every chance to become your life partner! This point alone is worth the nine described above!

Alas, suitable husbands do not lie on the road - this is a fact! However, you don’t need to live with psychological portraits created in your head, because we all have flaws and there are no ideal people (especially husbands 🙂).

Strive to meet these points, work on yourself, And for every good wife, there is sure to be a good husband! Women's site site wishes you this from the bottom of your heart!

--
Julia Caesar - especially for the site www.site - Beautiful and Successful

Copying this article is prohibited!

It is important to pay attention to what a man says, how he sees his future. And especially - for what he does not want, what he will never do, most likely it will be so. Very often, before the wedding, we turn a blind eye to some fundamental moments for ourselves, and after the wedding, having received authority, we try to change and improve the man.

Of course, a man should be physically pleasant to you. You should be pleased to be near him, look into his eyes, listen to him. We are very sensitive and our body must respond positively to the chosen man. If a man is unpleasant for you, then no knowledge of psychology and building relationships will help. You can deceive yourself as much as you like, but the body will never deceive you.

When choosing a man, you should also remember that any person has advantages and disadvantages. And there is no such person who does not have shortcomings.

You should be aware that if you are not ready to put up with his shortcomings all your life, then leave the hope that you can completely eliminate them, in this case, you might be better off just breaking up with this man.

What can not be tolerated in a long-term relationship:

If a man walks, if today he has one, tomorrow another, he meets with one, lives with another.
If a man drinks
Leads an immoral lifestyle, mentally unstable, can raise a hand against you.

It is better not to have any illusions and immediately part with such a man and not console yourself with the hope of correcting him.

All other disadvantages are up to you, provided that you are ready to live with it all your life and be happy.

Pay attention not to his charm and not to his words, but to his actions, primarily in relation to you. How decent and honest he is, how he keeps his word.

If he said he would come, and then disappeared for a week. Will you be ready to endure such optionality and inadequacy in marriage as well?

A man should be interested in you, and this is manifested in the fact that he is ready to help you in certain situations, solves some everyday problems, is attentive to you, caring, sympathetic, keeps his word, calls you first more often, responds to your requests, is wasting his time and money on you. When we are needed, we women immediately feel it.

What to pay attention to, which can become an insurmountable obstacle.

How attached is he to his mother? How often does he call her? How often do you consult with her? How often does she neglect you for her mother?

If a young man is 20-25, this is not a problem. Today, both men and women grow up late, but if he is 30 years old and he still has a strong connection with his mother, then most likely it will never weaken. And if you are ready to live together and feel good at the same time, then make such a choice consciously. It will not be easy to build a relationship with such a man. In difficult periods, he will rather disappear to his mother.

Jealousy can also become an obstacle to a harmonious relationship. If a person is jealous, this is dislike, this is a pathology. More The jealous man needs energy and he will take it from you. Yes, it is difficult, but you can also live.

Greed, but rather pettiness, when it results in a painful parting with money. With the woman he loves, a man is usually generous, so if he is stingy with you, you should think about it. Any woman is very difficult to tolerate male greed.

With regard to material wealth. Should a man have wealth and material wealth at the time of meeting?

“Do I understand correctly that a real man is successful? And if, for example, a man does not have a large material wealth? Don't have your own home? Such that, should be avoided as unsuccessful? On the other hand, if he is not settled yet, if he has not achieved anything in his life, and he is already 40-45 years old, then what can he achieve now, at that age?

I have a friend who was divorced with two children. She met a man. He did not have an apartment, he lived with his parents and was 40 years old. But at the same time he had a good position, in a large company. There was a car, and he was a business man. When he appeared in her house, good food immediately appeared, beautiful clothes for children. I don't think he was successful, but he was a real man, able to solve men's problems. Over time, he bought a 3-room apartment, not without the help of his parents. I don't think there is one thing in life. Success or not success. He was not married until the age of 40. And he didn't have his own home. But he knew how to make money and make decisions. And life with its appearance immediately became easier, more stable and satisfying. Although at first everyone lived in the apartment of my friend.

It doesn’t matter what a man has now, you should feel secure and comfortable next to him, your life should become easier with the advent of a man. And you will immediately feel whether you can count on it. And today you can buy apartments and cars at 50 and 60 years old - no problem, there would be mutual understanding and love. A man can do a lot for the sake of his beloved woman.

What can and should be dealt with:

- with everyday habits, with the notorious scattered socks. It seems that all men throw them, and all women are annoyed by this. Why do you think they scatter them? Maybe because they just don't know where to put them?

- with external features, a man should not be beautiful;

- with sloppiness in clothes, with unshaven bristles;

- with rigidity, stubbornness, a desire to prove, to remain right. - this question is directly related to the question: - "Do you need a strong man"?

- with specific humor and lack of manners. You should not make them this universal tragedy and lecture him.

- with musical tastes and a desire to listen to music loudly.

- with eternal employment and with the fact that a man devotes a lot of time to work, and not to you. There are men you can't force to work, it's better to let them work.

It is better to have 10 percent of a 100 percent man than 100 percent of a 10 percent man. Helen Andelin.

- lack of romance. Not all men are capable of sensual confessions and extravagant acts.

- with some hobbies - for example, cars, hunting, fishing, football, computers, garages, etc.

- with emotional characteristics - someone grumbles, someone is silent.

Now you know more about

There are enough shortcomings and features for everyone - both women and men. And in order to build a long-term relationship, you need undoubted virtues that you will admire, which will help you come to terms with his shortcomings and accept a man as he is, without the hope of remaking him.

But if you are categorical and principled, then you will be left alone. There are no ideal people. Think about it! Every woman should remember a simple rule when choosing a man: if she doesn’t beat, doesn’t drink and doesn’t walk, then this is an ideal man. Everything else depends on the woman!

Write in the comments, what features and disadvantages are you willing to put up with?

Tatyana Dzutseva.

In contact with